My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize