I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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