i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did i just pee glitter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it fun? or sober?
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