..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
high people should be assigned attendants
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
