If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
