My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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