Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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