please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize