I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
