new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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