i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
