Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
