I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
time to smoke my breakfast
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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