Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Vodka?
Forever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
soo... how was my night?
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