We won't sleep together?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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