State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
