He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Be still, my beating vagina.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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