So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
