Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
