Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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