If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
