what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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