Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
