i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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