he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
