Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
