Can i not drive my cunt home
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
