2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
