So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
