I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
