did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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