Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
