with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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