A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
