you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
two words...techno handjob
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
