My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
