I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize