he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He better not be in your backpack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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