dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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