My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
