Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
