i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
