You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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