I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
