She is in my trunk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
