i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
