i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
