she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
