Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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