Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
