I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love you. Go after that dick
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
