I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's always time for handjobs
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
