ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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