Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The air taste purple.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
