Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to calm my uterus...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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