I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
