The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
