Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
