I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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