I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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