His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
