just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
