he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
