do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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