at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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