I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
