I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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