I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
