I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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