Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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