you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize