your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
