You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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