So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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