Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
