I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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