i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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