what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Vodka?
Forever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
