I just threw up on my dentist
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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