fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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