I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
