i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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