I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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