grandma shit on top of the toilet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
