If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
