just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize