I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
