A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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