your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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