I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
