A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no you cant smoke seaweed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
