i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
