I smell stomach acid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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