Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
