I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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