I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
MIDGETS
????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
